Why won't the British Emby look after its Nationals on holiday?

At the penger control desk in Malaga airport the official called me 'Pisspot' to which I replied 'Cara del turd' (Turdface) and there was a scuffle. My wife phones the British Emby but they said we must sort it so I spent the next five hours in a police cell. Apparently he had said 'Pport'. Why don't they put people who can speak foreign languages on the desk?